Threads; broken, unbroken.

by Joni Abilene

Sometimes I think the harder we push at life, the harder it pushes back. We don’t see it happening, we think any moment we’ll break through, but it isn’t so. Life is a stubborn vessel, much stronger than us. So much stronger. I’ve been learning to meditate and have found that one of the most difficult things is letting go. Stopping my brain from its incessant activity isn’t easy. Afterwards, there is a sense of peace that is very pleasing, very joyful. So far I have learned that I am not, and should not be, in control. It’s best to leave things to my higher self. So often I am filled with fear, and make decisions, or non-decisions, based on fearful thought processes. It’s a relief to let go. I was white knuckling it through my entire existence. I needed a break.

The old saying that life is a river and you must follow it wherever it goes is true, however cliché. The problem is I am so sick of failure and loss that I pull tightly on the reins with bloody fingers and blistered palms. But now I find I was steering myself into the gutters. Let go, let go.

I also know now that time, in all its quantitative measurements, must not be taken for granted. Do not squander that which is given, because once gone it never returns. Opportunity is the same. Do not leave a leaf unturned, as you never know which one yields silk.