Scrambled Rambling

by Joni Abilene

First of all, I’m really really sad David Letterman is retiring from his show. It hurts. I’m sure Colbert will be fantastic, but there’s this little girl in me who still remembers when Letterman was king and SNL didn’t suck and the world was awesome enough to appear awesome. I’ll never forget the time David repeatedly called the redhead in an office across from his building (he could see her from his window–what a perve) and cajoled her into doing shit for him just to please his happy, sick self. Something about that really tickled me. Don’t think I can watch the last show, but maybe, just maybe. You know my stipulations: Andy Kaufman comes back from the dead and The Orwells are the musical guest. Haha, my two favorite things, because I’m really weird and, whatever, it makes me happy. What a rough year this had been. I’m thriving on the vapors of good energy wherever it comes, and believe me, it’s hard to come by most often. Figured out the reason I dig Mario Cuomo so much is because he was totally me at 18. A female version. Oh my God, how I wish I could go back and be that wild, awesome girl again.

The other thing I wanted to say was The Starlights is priced right for pleasure. Whatever that means. Sounds kind of sick. It’s cheaper, okay? That’s what I mean to say. $2.99. So, if you haven’t bought it yet because your pockets look like lint traps, here’s your chance. And leave a review, asshole (not you reading this, someone else).

That’s all I got. Have a good day.